So a ridiculous amount of time has passed since I posted anything, but I got super lazy and let this fall to the wayside, which is exactly what shouldn't happen... Anyway, I figured I'd go ahead and share a bit of my past and a big lesson I had to learn a few years ago.
I used to be a compulsive liar. If I was speaking, you could probably safely assume 90% of what I was saying was not true. You could tell me that the sky was blue and I'd think of 20 different ways to tell you that it is most definitely red. I'm still not sure where this stupid tendency came from, but I can assure you, it was out of control. I never put much thought into it either. I allowed it to overwhelm me to the point to where I was living in a huge web of lies, and let me tell you, that is not an easy way to live. It is exhausting trying to remember who you told what to and what you need to say to keep the lies going. My life began to fall apart...
The lies kept growing and growing. I would lay awake at night having panic attacks thinking about what would happen if people saw through the lies I had fabricated for so long. It was taking such a huge, unnecessary toll on me. I began to not sleep much and to get super depressed, but even through all of that, I kept lying! It was a cycle that kept repeating over and over until that one fateful day where it all came to an end (another story for another time.)
At the time I was devastated that I had been found out and was pissed about the consequences, but I also felt a strange sense of comfort wash over me. I was finally free of all the lies and deceit that had defined me for so long.
I've come to realize how much God shaped me throughout that period of time. From the feelings of sadness to the day where I was found out. God showed me how hurtful something as simple as a small lie can be to Him, myself, and those I love. He also showed me how it can turn into a huge issue. This really helped me see sin in a new way. Not just lies but all sin, and how it is all the same. In Gods eyes, a lie is no worse than killing someone; sin is sin, and it pains Him just the same. This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn, but I cant even describe how thankful I am that I learned it. It has made me into the person I am today.
Not sinning is a huge struggle for all believers, but it is something that we are called to do to show our love for our Savior. I cant say that I haven't lied since I got caught, but I have made it my goal to try and live like I am called to by Christ. I do this not just because the Bible tells me too( which is reason enough) but simply because God knows that we will fail, but loves us anyway, and that love drives me to be better and to actively try to be who God wants me to be.
Romans 3:23-26 "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace and through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood- to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he left the sins committed beforehand unpunished- he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."
Thank you God for seeing past my failures and flaws and loving me anyway. Thank you for pulling me out of the deep hole I threw myself into and holding me tight in your arms. You are a glorious God, and I am so thankful for you and all you do.
Amen.
